A Night At The Bar
by I am the Cake Fairy
Summary: They decided to go out, to some place inconspicuous, a little off the map. And where did that leave them? A small bar on the far side of the village, as distant as possible from the near side of the village. Wherever that was. yaoi?


It had been a hard week. Now normally, most weeks were hard, because as ninjas they were forced to do very hard things, but this week had been especially hard, and they had been pushed harder than was necessarily necessary. So they decided to go out, have a little time for themselves. Not a date. No. Definitely not a date. Because that would be insinuating that they liked each other more than in a friendly way, which they didn't. In fact, they were bordering on hating each others guts. They wouldn't mind shoving a shuriken down the other's throat, or wedging a kunai into the wee crevices of the other's—

As I was saying, they decided to go out, to some place inconspicuous, a little off the map. Somewhere where they wouldn't be easily recognized, or (God-forbid) humiliated. And where did that leave them? A small bar on the far side of the village, as distant as possible from the near side of the village. Wherever that was.

And don't give me that crap about how sixteen is far too young an age to down alcohol; I know several people who are _twelve_ and drink the stuff. Plus they were ninjas; if anyone dared to card them, they'd just show the bartender their little ninja license, the bartender would gulp, then hastily push whatever they wanted in their general direction and hope they wouldn't kill him. But still, being sixteen and still at a tender young age, the alcohol affected them strongly, the damn lightweights.

"Hey Shash'ke…"

"Yah, Nah'to?"

Yes, it was our favorite pair of ninja, drunk off their taut little asses. Not like they'd admit that to each other, however. Nope. In fact, they didn't even think that the other's ass was even vaguely nice to look at. Digressing. In order to avoid being recognized, and molested by a branch of their fangirls (Sasuke's had grown in numbers, and Naruto had even managed to wrangle himself up a nice sized group…not that he wanted any in the first place…), the pair had decided to go _incognito_. Sasuke had just thrown on the first thing Naruto had thrown at him, and Naruto had jumped into whatever Sasuke had chucked at his blond head. Because they were just that cool.

"I been thinkin'…"

"Wha chu been thinkin' bout?"

So there they were, sitting at the bar, several glasses piled on either side of them, and looking utterly wasted. Sasuke, whose dark hair had been straightened and forced down, was smiling in a very goofy manner at Naruto, whose face was screwed up as if he were in deep thought. Sasuke (purely for the sake of being _incognito_, honest!) was wearing rainbow arm-warmers that stretched from above his elbows to just past his thumb, a hole cut out so the digit could move freely. The arms of the blond beside him were covered in a tight dark blue material (which would have been called spandex, but for the sake of style, won't) that showed off his lean arms quite nicely.

"Wahl, I was thinkin' that ish not neshisharily a good thing if shomeone's underwear ish longer than thar shorts…"

"Why do you shay dat, Nah'to?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke incredulously before looking down and gesturing to what Sasuke was wearing. Naruto was drunk, but, to give him credit, he was a truthful drunk. No one really _needed_ to see Sasuke's brown mesh underwear with the cream-colored lace sticking out from under the blue and pink plaid shorts ('shorts' being far to lenient to describe how short those short shorts really were; you could practically hear them shouting the theme song from the Nair commercial from way back in the eighties…"We wear short shorts! If you dare, wear short shorts!"). Now, why Sasuke was wearing_brown mesh underwear with cream-colored lace_ we will never know.

Sasuke pouted.

"Sho you ah shaying that I dun look good in short shorts?"

Naruto hastily shook his head, bringing up two hands, as if in defense…though from what, it is questionable. A drunk pouting Sasuke? I highly doubt the blond would want to defend himself from _that._

"No, no, no! Im jusht shaying that a lot of people ah looking at chu weird, Shash-ke, an' I dun like it…"

They both glanced at the two other patrons in the bar; two old ladies who were too interested in what the fuck's wrong with the world, and why it was so much goddamn better back when they were younger and could actually remember the good ol' days. Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Yer right, Nah'to…"

Naruto beamed happily.

"'Uh course I am."

They sat in silence for a couple minutes, occasionally downing a shot noisily, but other than that it was silent. Suddenly, Sasuke stood up.

He promptly fell back down onto the barstool, but got back up nonetheless. Such determination!

"Hey, Nah'to Ima go use de bathroom."

"Kay, Shash'ke."

And with that, Sasuke stumbled/ swaggered to the bathroom, almost falling on one of the old ladies (he immediately straightened himself, and pointed an accusing finger at them, shouting, "Dammit Mystique I know ish you!" before scampering off to the little ninja's room). Naruto smiled giddily to himself after Sasuke had literally twirled into the bathroom. He turned back to the bar, glanced at a random pile of mold and began a lively conversation.

"Yah know, dat Shash'ke's quite de looker."

The mold scoffed.

"-gurgle-"

Naruto looked insulted.

"He ish too, an' wha 'ould you know? Yer just a filthy pile uh' mold livin' in a bar! In fact, I bet chu couldn't e'en UHFFORD to live ina fanshier plashe!"

The mold smirked and replied with a witty comeback.

"-gurgle-"

Naruto was appalled.

"Chu fiend! Yah dun e'en know de guy an' yah go aroun' insultin' him. Who do you think yah ah, shome short uh' gangshtuh?"

The mold growled a threat.

"-groooowl-"

The mold was then smacked soundly on…some part of its anatomy by a flyswatter. The hand that held the flyswatter belonged to the bartender. He smiled apologetically at the blond ninja.

"I'm sorry; Bernie here doesn't warm up to de lads as much's I'd like 'em to. He's more o' a ladies' mold."

Naruto nodded in understanding. He didn't understand really.

As he waiting for his companion to return, Naruto downed a few more shots, which was very idiotic of him considering he could barely sit without swaying. However, this was Naruto we are talking about, so…yeah. After a few more shots, he heard Sasuke's voice come from in the bathroom.

"Nah'to, I've losht mah pantsh!"

Sasuke seemed very distressed.

Naruto was about to get up and help the poor pantsless boy, but Sasuke's next shout stopped him.

"Ne'er mind, I found dem, de sneaky bashtards."

The blond ninja giggled giddily at this, as would any normal person (read, drunk as lord-knows-what person) in a situation that found them listening to their drunk best friend cursing his pants for magically disappearing. It was even funnier since the drunk person happened to be Sasuke Uchiha, Konoha's Number One Sexy and Arrogant Ninja (with a stick up his ass).

After a few moments, but not too much fuss (fortunately the old woman had decided to hit him only three times with her heavy-as-heck purse when he passed their table) Sasuke returned to his seat beside his friend. His male friend. His boy friend. But not his boyfriend. Notice the space, and lack thereof.

Once Sasuke was seated beside him once more, Naruto immediately fell into a…oh, what's the right word to summarize the mood overcame our favorite blond dobe? Ah, I believe the phrase 'depression' works. Sasuke picked up on it instantaneously.

"'Ey, Nah'to, waz wrong?"

Naruto sighed in a very depressed manner.

"Ih I knew I waz gonna die an untime'y an' early dea', I'd uh' eated more butter in my life time."

As soon as he heard this, Sasuke sobered up. Not really, he just fell into the mood Naruto had fallen into.

"I know 'ut chu mean."

He didn't.

Now, all this time, Sam, the bartender at this particular bar on the boarder of Konoha, had been listening, and frowning to himself. You see, Sam had been a bartender from a long time. A very long time. In fact, he had been a bartender for about three quarters of his life. Sam was very old. So he had worked as a bartender for longer than anyone had first suspected. And if there was one thing Sam had learned from all his experience as a bartender, it was, The customer is always right. Unless the customer thinks they're dead. Then the customer doesn't get anymore shots. Even if the customer is a ninja.

So, true to his unwritten set of rules, Sam immediately took the shot glasses out of the two ninjas' hands, and replaced them with glasses of pink lemonade. Naruto looked at it doubtfully before taking a sip, and spilling half of it over himself. He promptly decided he liked it; it was very sweet. Sasuke too took a sip, also spilling it on himself in the process. Surprisingly, Sasuke liked the beverage as well; it had a nice tartness to it that cancelled out the dreaded sweetness.

"Dis ish shum good whiskey r'at thar."

Naruto always tended to point out the obvious. Sasuke nodded in agreement.

He didn't know what he was agreeing to.

He raised his glass to drink, but he missed. A good half of the lemonade sloshed out of the glass, going immediately into his ear, before trickling down his heavily gelled hair and onto his shoulder before soaking into his rainbow arm warmers. Sam winced; as a bachelor who did his own laundry, he felt for the heavy washing cycle that those arm warmers would have to go through to get the lemonade out of them.

Naruto, however, didn't much care for the arm warmers. In fact, he would like to see his drinking buddy out of them.

That was meant in the straightest way possible.

As was the lick on the shoulder that the blond ninja just gave Sasuke. Honest. He was just trying to be helpful, and, ehm, clean up his friend—NO! rival's—mess…yeah…

"Nah'to…"

"…yah, Shash'ke?"

Naruto cautiously looked up to Sasuke, who was giving him a very knowing look. It was amazing how realistically knowing that look was, considering that in this state, Sasuke didn't precisely know anything. Well, maybe he knew something, but he certainly didn't remember anything.

"Ya know, if ya wanted inta mah pantsh dat badleh, ya coulda jus' ass'd."

"Oh…"

Naruto took a moment to consider his position. However, he soon forgot.

"So…?"

"So what?"

Sasuke would have slapped his forehead at the blonde's forgetfulness, if he was sober. However, he was not.

"So, what's yer an'suh?"

"Mah an'suh? Ta what?"

Sasuke paused, trying to recall. After a moment, he shrugged.

"I 'unno. Jus' say yes please."

"Okay, yes please."

And, with that, the two ninjas rose from their seats. They fell back down. Despite this minor put-back, they got up again. Such preservation! Once they were as stable as possible for ninjas in such a drunken state as theirs, they waddled out the bar, holding hands.

Sam sighed from behind the bar, watching the two ninjas leave his establishment. Bertie thanked God almighty that they were gone.

"-gurgle-"

Sam frowned at the mold.

"Oh, dey weren't dat bad."

Bertie begged to differ.

"-gurgle-"

"Dey were jus'…in denial, is all."

Bertie stated a famous phrase.

"-gurgle-"

Sam nodded his head in agreement.

"Yes, de ignorance _is_ de bliss, but dere _is_ a limit…"

"-gurgle-"

"You're right, I hope dey never come here again."

* * *

_In response to someone asking the author-ess for more SasuNaru; sadly, there is not much there, but…well, it was fun to write. Fun to read? The author-ess hopes so… It has been on her desktop since June 20__th__, waiting to be finished. The author-ess obliged today, hoping that her inspiration was back…Enjoi! _

_Also, the author-ess is sorry if you can't understand the dialogue; they are supposed to be drunk, and Sam has some accent or something. Just ask the author-ess in a review for a translation or something. Don't be shy; that's what the author-ess is here for! For being shy. You readers don't be shy; being shy is the author-ess' job..._

_ The author-ess will leave nao...  
_


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